So I have a confession, I cheated yesterday. I haven't had much in terms of fast food since before the holiday season. Even while at home, we cooked a lot, which was great. I think the 10+ days we were home we only had two nights of takeout. We had chinese food and Dino's pizza. When I first moved to Canada, it used to be when we'd go home to visit it was the BIGGEST EXCUSE to eat as shitty as possible. I'm talking; Richway, had to get a gyro; Arnie's, a cheese polish and fries and John's Pizza in Munster, it's our usual treat now thanks to our Aunt n Uncle; their mushroom/sausage pizza is out of this world, mmm.
So back to my cheating story; my husband went to a birthday party and I couldn't attend. I felt a little sorry for myself; because I would have liked to go. So instead, I had this grand idea of...LET'S GO OUT WITH A BANG. I ended up ordering a burger, onion rings, a fish sandwich and a slush with ice cream. I kid you not...IT WAS THE WORST DECISION I'VE MADE IN AWHILE. My stomach was on fire all last night and I've had horrible acid reflux all fucking day. I admit I'm a fucking idiot.
My love affair with food has always been a toxic one; I've NEVER had a good idea of what it means to be healthy or stick with eating well. Sure, I've done it in the past, starved myself and only ate "protein" and did a shitload of horrid exercises. The skinniest I got was when I used to work on the boat in my early 20's and I thought I was hot shit. I was in a size 12 pants and an xl ladies shirt. Fuck. I looked good but I didn't feel good. I had (still have) horrible self-esteem. There's only one time in my life I ever felt beautiful, my wedding day.
My sweet husband came in late this morning and told me he had a great time and I'm always truly happy when he does, regardless of my little jealousy streak. He then asked how my "green mile" meal was and I told him it was the worst mistake that I felt like horseshit and my body is already starting to revolt. In what fucked up way did I think it would be ok? I rationalized that I'd been doing it for so long, what's one more meal? A typical junkie response. Sigh. Fuck. Shit. Bitch.
The shittiest part of all this is that I can self-actualize and analyze myself and my behavior. I KNOW why I do it, but as we all know; the best advice we could give to others, we can't take for ourselves. So much fucking truth. To top off the remorse I felt and adding insult to injury; while I was putting my daughter to sleep last night, she's got this habit of burying her face in my armpit (don't ask, she's nuts and she can breathe) and then swinging her arm and either grabbing onto my shirt and pulling, or sometimes she just smacks my arm. Let me tell you; instead of doing just that, she found my double chin people....legit found my double chin and started to smack it back and forth because it "jiggled"! She actually giggled for a bit before she drifted off to sleep. That was a very hard pill to swallow, I wanted to stop her because I was on the verge of tears but also knowing she's teething and if this means I can get her little ass to sleep....I let her continue. Fuck that was excruciating.
Early tomorrow morning I'll be hitting our local veggie/fruit store. They've got the best selection of buying fruits and veggies in bulk for a lower price than the major grocery stores out here. It's supposed to last us for 5 days of the 10 day cleanse.
This is my list:
25 APPLES
4 BANANAS
2 PINTS OF BERRIES- BLUEBERRY/RASPBERRY
2 COCONUTS
8 LEMONS
2 MANGOS
4 PEARS
3 AVOCADOS
45 CARROTS
30 CELERY STALKS
10 CUCUMBERS
2 BIG BUNCHES OF SALAD MIX
5 BUNCHES OF SPINACH
10 BUNCHES OF KALE
1 BUNCH OF CILANTRO
1 BUNCH OF PARSLEY
6 PIECES OF GINGER
A BOX OF RAISINS
3 DRIED DATES
3 LITRES OF VEGETABLE STOCK (This is to only be used when you need something "warm" and you are literally tired of drinking juice)
Wish me luck people....because...
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