Hello!
I had started this blog a few years ago and then like most things I "attempt" to do, I got lazy and let it slip to the side until I quit. So I deleted all the blogs I had...fresh start.
So...there have been plenty of changes most of you know about that are reading this, for those of you who don't, here are my cliff notes:
* Got sick in 2016 and had to have surgery and remove an adrenal gland due to a cyst the size of a softball growing on it.
*My grandma passed away in August of 2016 and it broke my heart (still does). I had previously lost my other grandma in 2015 from cancer, I was close with them both and I miss them every day. :(
*Got pregnant in September of 2016 and had a beautiful baby girl in May of 2017.
Those of you who may not know this, I now live in Canada; originally from NW Indiana and here when you give birth, you have the choice to go on Maternity leave for an entire year and have the government pay for it (as long as u work and log enough hours, it's a lot like unemployment wages that you'd get in the US). I've been off work since April of 2017 and as much as it may seem like you have a TON of time...when you've got a baby, a house to take care of and a husband? You DON'T.
I'm also diabetic. I'm a stress eater and also I just eat when I'm bored. While pregnant I was OUTSTANDING at watching my sugar intake and monitoring EVERY SINGLE THING I put into my body so it wouldn't harm my daughter. I only gained a total of 33 pounds and it only packed on towards the end of my third trimester. After I gave birth, I fell into a "lazy" mentality again. Dealing with sleep depravation, figuring out how to be a first time mom, balancing my mom life with my married life and giving my husband attention was hard. It actually put me into a depression and gave me severe anxiety. I dropped a bunch of weight after birth; almost 55 pounds. I was stoked; ready to continue to try to drop some more weight!
Unfortunately, within the last 7 months, I've actually gained 25 pounds of it back. I also no longer have a somewhat "tone" stomach, thanks to that beautiful stretching, I now look like I'm still 9 months pregnant with a lumpy sack of potatoes and I detest it. My husband, who's never commented on my weight before told me he was worried about me. My father, who's also never commented on my weight not so "kid glovishly" told me that it looked like I was still pregnant. That fucking stomach just hangs now, sometimes I visualize just taking a knife and cutting off the fat, you know...like you would off a prime rib roast before you roast it? Shit.
During the holidays I just ignored everything, got really down on myself and sat in denial. So now we're into January of 2018. January....new year....new you...right? I'd say I didn't have any resolutions. I've done that crap before; and failed miserably. This time around, it's not just a "yearly" resolution. I'm just tired. Tired of feeling like shit. Tired of hurting. Tired of not having stamina. Tired of being fucking tired. Let's call what's happening now...an awakening. I will no longer set goals and set myself up for failure. No unrealistic ideas, GRAND gestures, just plain and simple me trying to get to the root of my problems.
I stay fat to keep people at bay; it's a shield so to say, a very unhealthy one I might add. I eat my emotions. I sleep away frustration and repress anger. I've been off balance for a very long time in my life and it's time to stop making excuses for myself and start coming up with REAL solutions.
We recently got Netflix for our house; and with so many options, I've found myself the last week watching a few different documentaries. The first one was by a man named Joe Cross and it was titled: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. I was skeptical at first, I won't lie. He juiced for 60 days. Literally just drank veggie/fruit juice 3-4 times a day with a shit-ton of water. He lost an impressive 65+ pounds and got off most of his medicine that he had due to unhealthy eating prior to the cleansing.
Here's a link to watch the video for free:
https://www.rebootwithjoe.com/watch-fat-sick-and-nearly-dead/
It's a good website to check out if you're ever considering juicing. I was able to print out a 19 page plan to start my 10 day fasting. I ordered a nice juicer and now we're just waiting and getting ourselves prepared.
I'd be lying if I didn't feel a bit apprehensive about all of this; I'm going to reboot and reprogram my body to rid out toxins from excessive sugar, fat and carbs. The bitch ain't gonna be happy, and she's going to revolt. Just sayin.
This will be the first juicing recipe I try from Joe's Reboot website:
Joe's Mean Green (green juice):
Makes 2 Servings
16 kale leaves
2 cucumbers
8 celery sticks
4 apples, cored
1 lemon, peeled if desired
2-inch (5cm) piece of fresh root ginger
Wish me luck. This is going to be an adventure. I'm going to try to update this blog every day, if not every 3 days. I can promise that. Having an almost mobile little human has become quite interesting and very time consuming. I'll be documenting everything; how I"m feeling, side effects, recipes I'm trying, what I like, don't like...you get the gist of it.
I'm doing this for myself, but more important to me; my daughter and husband. I need them in my life and they need me to be my best. So when it's going to get really shitty for me, I'm told the first 3 days is the hardest to get through...my plan is looking at both of them and silently telling myself "You're doing this for them, they're important and you matter."
Thanks for reading this long winded blog. It's the first day of change for me and so far I feel good.
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