My energy feels off. Empathy is a double edged sword. A few of my friends/family have been going through some struggles. Heart-ache. I feel it. It hurts and I'm not sure how I can help anyone? You see, I've always been a person who likes to solve things, help figure out how to make things ok again. Does that make sense?
My husband tells me that I have a hard time taking care of myself because I'm excessively empathetic and have a terrible time focusing on myself and my health...Mental and otherwise.
If anyone has any tips on how to curb it a little, I'm game.
Lately, I've been on an ancestry.com kick. I got a promotional offer when I took the dna test for 3 months free, so I started my family tree. You'd be surprised at the amount of information that's stored on that website. I've almost gotten my grandma elliott's side (the Brunnicks) all the way back to Ireland. I'm also started on my Grandpa Elliott's side, his mother....the Hawkins of Tennessee and let me tell you something; there's a TON of relatives; some of my great-great-great-great uncles had over 9 children with 2-3 women. It's definitely a lot of work and it's been keeping me occupied at night when it's "mommy's quiet time".
My DNA make-up was incredible, I'll show you it below:
The main DNA profile is pretty standard, I knew most of this. Great Britain consists of Scotland, Wales, UK, Ireland....my dad's side is comprised mostly of ancestors that go back to Ireland and some parts of Germany during the time of the great famine.
Europe East- Slovakia, Hungary and Romania are my mom's mom side. There might be Polish on my Mom's dad's side, but I haven't gotten that far yet.
Now........here's the kicker..........this I wasn't prepared for, but I had an idea:
The Africa North and European Jewish threw me for a bit of a loop. I realize that it's less than 1 percent, but it's there. It's real. It's me. When I was going through the history of the Elliott side, we came across a few wills that "bequeathed" slaves to other members of the family. I was upset and then I realized that we can't undo the sins or make things "right" from our ancestors.
I had told my husband that I thought it would come back with some african dna and he laughed at me. I explained the will(s) and that it was commonly known that the landowners often had children with their slaves. It's not something I'm proud of. It's quite disheartening and it doesn't make it ok because "it was a different time." All I know is that I can make a different NOW in my life with my lineage and tell a story that my future generations can be proud of and that's what I intend to do.
On the 3rd, it would be my Grandma Highland's birthday. I remember the last few we had fell on Superbowl. One year we made her this crazy cake with an edible sheet wishing her a happy birthday with a gnome and a beach on it. She laughed so hard you could see her dimples. I miss her so much. I wish she was here to meet my daughter and see just how much joy she brings to my family and I. This baby is so happy; she wakes up smiling, rarely cries unless she's fighting sleep (which is every night). I kiss her so many times a day she's probably sick of it. I love this girl more than my life itself.
Being a mom now, I feel like my life has come full circle. Now if I can only find the balance I need to keep my mental and physical health good and continue to be the best mom,wife, daughter, sister and auntie I can be.
Peace and love to you all.
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