Can't believe it took this long to figure out...

This blog's going to be a quick one.  I've got a sick girl on my hands and she's very clingy for mommy.  She's got herself a little cold with some congestion and a very runny nose. I feel so bad for her; she's getting plenty of food, she can't drink her bottles that well b/c she's so stuffy she can't breathe...baby vapor rub on the chest, a cool humidifier in the room and plenty of cuddling.  :(  She'll sit with her dad for a bit, but won't go to sleep and she's in desperate need of plenty of that so she can get herself well.

With that being said, I haven't been to the gym in two days.  On top of a sick baby, the roads out here have been horseshit; snowy and icy.  The gym is not worth my life if some dumb-ass decides to t-bone me or rear end me because they can't figure out how to drive in shitty weather.  It made me start to feel bad, because I'm REALLY getting into going.  I LIKE how I feel when I sweat and meet a goal.  My one week trial is up on Monday and I'm definitely going to join for the next year.  When I started to get down this afternoon about not going to the gym, this little voice inside of me said...."Ginny, you need to shut the fuck up.  You KNOW why you can't go.  You aren't sitting here being a lazy fuck, you're busy.  You're a mom and a wife and that's a top priority."  It's the truth.  I am taking care of myself by not eating shitty, and yes, I haven't been to the gym but it's not the end of the world and it isn't a reason to make myself feel bad.  Why?  What good does it do?  

Are we programmed to feel like shit if we don't set out to do what it is that we "plan" on doing even if life gets in the way?  Why do we constantly rationalize our behavior by blaming ourselves and getting upset? 

THAT quote is spot on.  LEGIT. 

As long as I'm not rationalizing negative behavior and reinforcing it within myself or self-indulging in things that do not serve a good purpose for me, I think it'll be ok.  

I'm a bit pissed it took me almost 39 years to figure it out.  But again, when an epiphany hit you, who are you to question it?

Ok, my girl is whiny and won't sleep for her dad so I gots to go.  

I'll write soon.  Thanks for reading.

Winter Blah ha ha

February already.  One month down.  I'm proud of the 7-10 days I did the juicing for.  I am still doing good on having no sweet cravings; however, I've had a hankering for salty potato chips.  I've been letting those go out the window.  Still juicing once or twice a day and I've added meat back into my diet.  I still feel a bit sluggish so I may cut back on that again and see how we do.  

My energy feels off.  Empathy is a double edged sword.  A few of my friends/family have been going through some struggles.  Heart-ache.  I feel it.  It hurts and I'm not sure how I can help anyone?  You see, I've always been a person who likes to solve things, help figure out how to make things ok again.  Does that make sense?  

My husband tells me that I have a hard time taking care of myself because I'm excessively empathetic and have a terrible time focusing on myself and my health...Mental and otherwise.  

  If anyone has any tips on how to curb it a little, I'm game.  

Lately, I've been on an ancestry.com kick.  I got a promotional offer when I took the dna test for 3 months free, so I started my family tree.  You'd be surprised at the amount of information that's stored on that website.  I've almost gotten my grandma elliott's side (the Brunnicks) all the way back to Ireland.  I'm also started on my Grandpa Elliott's side, his mother....the Hawkins of Tennessee and let me tell you something; there's a TON of relatives; some of my great-great-great-great uncles had over 9 children with 2-3 women.  It's definitely a lot of work and it's been keeping me occupied at night when it's "mommy's quiet time".  

My DNA make-up was incredible, I'll show you it below:

The main DNA profile is pretty standard, I knew most of this.  Great Britain consists of Scotland, Wales, UK, Ireland....my dad's side is comprised mostly of ancestors that go back to Ireland and some parts of Germany during the time of the great famine.  

Europe East- Slovakia, Hungary and Romania are my mom's mom side.  There might be Polish on my Mom's dad's side, but I haven't gotten that far yet.

Now........here's the kicker..........this I wasn't prepared for, but I had an idea:

The Africa North and European Jewish threw me for a bit of a loop.  I realize that it's less than 1 percent, but it's there.  It's real.  It's me.  When I was going through the history of the Elliott side, we came across a few wills that "bequeathed" slaves to other members of the family.  I was upset and then I realized that we can't undo the sins or make things "right" from our ancestors.  

I had told my husband that I thought it would come back with some african dna and he laughed at me.  I explained the will(s) and that it was commonly known that the landowners often had children with their slaves.  It's not something I'm proud of.  It's quite disheartening and it doesn't make it ok because "it was a different time."  All I know is that I can make a different NOW in my life with my lineage and tell a story that my future generations can be proud of and that's what I intend to do. 

On the 3rd, it would be my Grandma Highland's birthday.  I remember the last few we had fell on Superbowl.  One year we made her this crazy cake with an edible sheet wishing her a happy birthday with a gnome and a beach on it.  She laughed so hard you could see her dimples.  I miss her so much.  I wish she was here to meet my daughter and see just how much joy she brings to my family and I.  This baby is so happy; she wakes up smiling, rarely cries unless she's fighting sleep (which is every night).  I kiss her so many times a day she's probably sick of it.  I love this girl more than my life itself.  

Being a mom now, I feel like my life has come full circle.  Now if I can only find the balance I need to keep my mental and physical health good and continue to be the best mom,wife, daughter, sister and auntie I can be. 

Peace and love to you all.